Where Have I Been?

Hey Everyone!

Wow! I can't believe it has been over 2 1/2 months since I have blogged here. It's been a crazy and emotional couple of months. The day after the last entry I made here, I went in for my 35 week ultrasound of the twins. We found out that our precious daughter, Alexis Faith, had passed away. To say we were devestated doesn't even begin to cover it. The doctor highly recommended that we go ahead and deliver Nathan Reid since he was looking great and measuring big and there could be further complications for Nathan or myself.

So on October 1st, 2010, we welcomed our 5 lb 13 oz, 18 in long beautiful baby boy, Nathan Reid, into the world at 5:45pm. Two minutes later at 5:47pm, I delivered Alexis Faith. It was the most joyful and saddest day of my life. I went through every emotion you can think of (sometimes all in the span of 5 minutes).

Recovering from a c-section, having a newborn, and mourning our loss was a lot to deal with for a couple of months. I had a lot of help (my husband for 3 weeks, my mom for a week, Lee's mom for a week, and my sister's step-mom for a week) and people brought meals for almost 6 weeks straight. It was really all I could do to get through each day taking care of Nathan and being grief-stricken. Needless to say, blogging wasn't at the top of my list.

Things have gotten better each day. My grief is not as deep. Thanks to my faith in Jesus Christ, I have found strength, peace, and comfort each day. I know that Alexis Faith is in heaven and I will see her again. I also know that life must go on. It is hard to accept at times that she isn't here. I had so many hopes and dreams and plans for her and for us together. It does sadden me to know they won't happen. I just have to believe that God will work all of this together for good. It makes it a lot more bearable having faith, family, and friends.

I hope to be able to continue my blog. I know it probably won't be as frequent as it was when I was able to rest and sit so much during my pregnancy, but I will try my best to blog at least weekly. I appreciate your following and/or reading my blog. I really enjoy sharing with you.

Who Knew?

Since I have been doubly pregnant, I haven't been able to keep up with everything like I normally try to. It's been quite frustrating for me as I am a "make a list, check off the list" type of person. I would still try to write a nice list for each day, but I slowly found myself marking less and less off each day. It got really annoying. Lately, I've barely been able to do anything minus making the bed, straightening things up, dishes, and wiping things down. I can do laundry, but I struggle with the getting it from bins and putting it away.

Well last week, Lee and I were having my last baby shower at our house since the people coming hadn't seen our new house yet. We decided that I would do surfaces (dust, wipe down bathrooms, etc) and he would do floors (sweep, vacuum, mop) and straighten up (take things to the rooms they belong). Well, I ended up in Labor and Delivery for 6 hours on Saturday. I was instructed to put my feet up and drink water and to not do any housework. That might sound like fun to most people, but I have a tough time relaxing and not doing the things that I normally do.

Well Lee insisted that he take care of everything. I just had to let go and let him do it. The funny thing is, he did an amazing job. In fact, he cleans better than I do. He moved stuff when he vacuumed (I rarely do that), he dusted with real dust spray and a cloth (when I do dust, I use those Swiffer clothes), and he scrubbed the sinks and toilets (I usually use Lysol wipes and just wipe hard). I was very impressed and to be honest, very embarrassed that I had always insisted to do everything myself.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my "job" is to be a wife, mom, and homemaker. It gives me my confidence and my meaning (at least in the sense of a daily purpose like Lee gets from IBM). Plus I am really particular (okay anal) and I like things done a certain way. Well who knew that he could do it as good, if not better, than I do it? You learn something new everyday. ;)

It was really a comfort to know that 1) he is willing to do things that I normally do without a complaint and 2) he will do an awesome job. Now, I just have to realize that more people can do the same thing for me. That's the next step. ;) I have a feeling that God will use situations to help me learn that as well. He always does.

Relax, Let Things Go, and Let Others Help Out

I have been feeling this post for a while and didn't quite know how I should write it. This is going to be a very transparent post which I hope my readers appreciate. As a lot (if not all) of you know, I am pregnant with twins that are due in roughly 10 weeks. It has been one of the biggest blessings in my life and I am thoroughly enjoying every minute of it. The hardest part hasn't been the morning sickness I had for 9 weeks, the aches and pains, or the expanding belly.

The hardest part has been putting away my tendency to 1) be a perfectionist and 2) not want other people to have to help me. I am a very self-sufficient person and generally like things to be as perfect as possible. While I know that this isn't the healthiest way to be, it's easier said than done to relax and let people help me. I have had to rest a lot and that puts other things (like keeping a perfectly neat home, cooking every night, keeping up with the laundry, and all the other things I do on a daily basis) on the back burner at times. It's been very difficult for me to look around and see clutter or mess.

The other hard part has been letting Lee help me. He is the kindest person in the world and will chip in and do things to help me out without complaining. It is just hard for me to let him do the things I feel are my responsibility. He goes to work full-time and then has to come home and help me out. I must admit that there has been a lot of guilt on my part.

I have really had to get out of my comfort zone to get comfortable. It's kind of ironic. I just wanted to share that there are seasons in our life that require us to just relax and either let things go or let others help out. There is nothing wrong with it. As I journey through the last 10 weeks of pregnancy, deliver two babies, recover, and adjust to having two newborns, an almost 5 year old son that I homeschool, a husband who needs attention, and a million other things that I have to do, I am going to remember what I have learned in the past few months. It's okay to relax, let things go, and let others help out. Please pray that I will stay in that mindset and not beat myself up or feel guilty.

I hope this has helped others.

What I've Learned from Being Pregnant with Twins

First of all, let me apologize for not having posted for a couple of weeks. I would love to be able to post daily or every other day, but like I said, my posts usually come straight from my life that day and things I think you guys might enjoy hearing about. I occassionally think of something and post about it, but I generally get inspired from life. Well that is what this post is all about.

Since being pregnant with twins, I have seriously had to slow down, sit down, calm down, and try to keep food down. It's been interesting. When I was pregnant with Luke, I wasn't sick a single day, could pretty much do most things, and would just be tired at night. With this pregnancy, I have been sick and exhausted since before I found out I was pregnant, and since I found out they were twins, I have really had to let myself sit down and relax, which for those who know me, know that is not how I like to be. It's harder for me to relax and "do nothing" than to clean my entire house, run errands, and do everything everyone needs.

Well I have figured out that life will not end, my house will not turn into a dump, and everyone will still manage if I don't do everything. It's not going to be like it normally is, but we will still manage. It's been a great revelation. My husband has been awesome. He has picked up the slack, picked up dinner, and picked me up when I feel awful. I can honestly say if it wasn't for him, our house would be way worse and things would be a lot harder. I have had to let go of my guilt and let him help.

I know that the rest of my pregnancy and when the twins are newborns, I am going to have to let go of my anal standards at times and also be willing to let other people help me. That is really hard for me as I am the type that likes to take care of things. I am praying now that I will realize letting others help me is actually a sign of strength not weakness. It's going to be a good learning experience for me.